Previous Postings (2 of 2)

More postings from my other Blog (which I have deleted, don't ask why)

Dec 4, 2007 (Tuesday)
Love Story - Part 1

I can't really remember how many times I fell in love. Cinta monyet la, head over heels in love, or just a mere crush, semuanya indah rasanya. Eventhough kebanyakkannya one-sided aje, ha ha. Rasanya my first serious relationship, first boyfriend I ada, masa I umur 18 kot.

When I was fourteen, I had a crush on this boy, A. Dah tak ingat pun macam mana rupa dia. Notorious type. He knew I liked him, smiled at me and sometimes talked to me when no one's around. Tapi kalau ada org lain esp his gang, different story la. Jaga reputation dia kot. During school holidays, balik dari asrama, ada juga we talked on the phone a few times. It lasted for 2 years, ended when my very sociable classmate who is also one of my close friend told me that she and him were going out together and they kissed. I was not that disappointed lah. Sebab lepas tu masuk sekolah lain2.

Tingkatan 4, on my first day kat sekolah baru, I met this very nice guy, S. I suka sangat tengok his jaw. Tak nak tulis banyak2 pasal dia. He's an internet wizard, nanti dia jumpa pulak blog ni. Ha ha. Anyway, pernah tulis surat kat dia. Sampai sekarang I wondered what happened. Tak ingat kenapa stopped. Maybe sebab dia coupled dengan my friend kot. Yang ni memang I frust sangat bila dengar cerita2 about him and her. Everytime selisih dia, my classmates would sing me Tears On My Pillow, masa tu lagu tu top balik, Kylie Minogue menyanyi. Sampai Tingkatan 5 la.

You don't remember me, but I remember you
T'was not so long ago, you broke my heart in two
Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart
Caused by you
If we could start anew, I wouldn't hesitate
I'd gladly take you back,
and tempt the hand of fate
Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart
Caused by you
Love is not a gadget, love is not a toy
When you find the one you love
She'll fill your heart with joy

Pagi tadi masa having breakfast with my partner kat kedai makan, nampak kat TV3 ada la keluar budak2 sekolah pakai pakaian scout menyanyi lagu ni. Baru teringat balik.

Masa ambil SPM, I sat behind an innocent-looked boy. Macam budak baik aje rupa dia. Before that, I tak tau pun K exist kat boarding school I tu. So tiap kali nak pergi exam tu, berkobar2 la semangat. I senyum2 kat dia, dia pun senyum2 balik. Ingatkan dia tahu I syok kat dia, rupanya dia tak perasan I pun. Memang dia suka senyum kat semua orang kot.

Hmm.. who's next? Oh ye, then there was my first serious relationship started la. College years. Actually I dah berkawan dengan Z a few years before. Went serious for about 5 months aje, broke-off because I coupled with my best friend of 2 yrs, N, which lasted for 3 months je. During that time I was eyeing this one guy, J, my senior actually. Dah dekat 2 tahun baru I got the guts to talk to him. Liked him a lot. I'm not sure he shared the same feelings or not, fikir2 balik sekarang la. Dia ponteng kelas just to hang with me, padahal dia tak pernah ponteng seumur hidup dia. Innocent giler, lurus bendol. Tiga empat bulan aje rapat dengan dia, my friend 'snatched' him away. Why ya, this kind of things always happen to me?

Went back solo ntah berapa tahun. Once a while Z called or wrote to me. Masa dah 23, baru rapat dgn Z balik. Dia ni jenis tak faham2 bahasa. I halau dia berapa kali pun, dia muncul balik. Got married at 25. 2 days before akad nikah, terjumpa dgn J. My bestfriend kata that was a sign, Z bukan untuk I. I should go after J. Gila ke dia? My relatives dah berkampung dekat rumah I for the wedding. So Z is my hubby now, eventhough before kahwin lagi I dah bermasalah dengan Z ni dan tahu lepas kawin pun akan bermasalah.

Anyway, I dapat tahu J is no longer "innocent" macam dulu. Big time gay. No wonder la I selalu rasa dia sangat polite and gentleman. Seksi macam mana pun depan dia, tak pernah la dia pandang2 ke apa ke.. ha ha.. rupanya dia tak interested... may be dia anggap I mcm adik dia aje kot.


Dec 2, 2007 (Sunday)
Cyber Luv

Beberapa kali kebelakangan ni, I caught my hubby chatting on the internet with a lady. I asked him whether he knows how she looked like or her status, dia kata tak tau, kawan2 gitu je. Last nite I walked on him chatting with her again, on YM. Ada pic that lady sekali. Hmm... kalau tak buat salah apa2, kenapa nak tipu, nak sembunyi2? Kalau reason sbb tak nak menguris my feeling, then dont't do it when I'm around, or in our home. Patut la everytime I masuk bilik waktu dia on-line, dia marah2 atau cari pasal nak gaduh ngan I. Ganggu privacy dia agaknya.
Dan semalam, agaknya nak cover rasa guilty dia, dia terus marah2 I, kononnya I pemalas dan tak nak buat susu untuk anak I.
I'm cool with that. Tak payah la rasa bersalah kat I. So I sms him, malas nak bertekak mulut sbb for me whatever comes out from his mouth will be all rubbish. Unrelevant topic pun dia akan keluarkan, just to make me feel bad, as if I yang salah.
"I dun mind u nk berkwn dgn ppuan. Nk bcinta skali pun, pls go ahead. Tp jgn lyn I n anak u as if kami ni mengganggu urusan u atau masa u."
Dia mesti ingat I marah atau jeles psl lady tu. Honestly, I don't. Ntah berapa kali I wish he would fall for someone else. Let him find love with orang lain. Maybe then he'll realise kami memang tak serasi bersama. Without me, he can still be happy.
Actually, this is the second time. First time dulu about 2 years ago. He met this lady kat channel 15 Astro. Dia ni memang tak berapa pandai menipu. One nite ni, he started a fight, just as an excuse nak keluar rumah malam2. He came back around 2am. Dia memang tak pernah keluar rumah kalau tak bersama I. He doesn't like to hang out with his friends atau kawan sekerja. So i saje serkap jarang, told him that baju dia bau perfume. Terus he blurted out that he went out to meet that lady. They didn't do anything, just chatted inside the car. The lady was nice, with huge boobs according to him. Their relationship ended few weeks later. Tak ingat kenapa. But I told my hubby, if he's serious about that lady, I don't mind tolong pergi pinangkan perempuan tu untuk dia. But he has to let me go after that.
My hubby bukanlah orang yang tidak baik. He's a nice person, at least pada orang lain la. Maybe I yang tak sesuai jadi isteri dia. I couldn't be what he wants me to be. I've tried but memang tak boleh. I memang sayangkan dia. That's it. Yang lain2 tu, hanya perasaan tanggungjawab dan kasihan.